Afterwhiles

This is a picture of my Grandmother Tazzie Lee's birth sons.  They were large at birth and large in life--or so it seemed to those of us who love them.  Amazing how ordinary men and women become more than ordinary when they are remembered through the proverbial rose colored glasses we all wear. Thank goodness for that. 

My grandmother gave birth at home to these babies who weighed 8 and a half,  11 and a half and 12 pounds.  I can't even imagine.  Their size  (and problems she had later in life leading to treatment at Duke University Hospital) lead us to believe she may have suffered from gestational diabetes which may have led to Type II diabetes in her later years.

Miss Tazzie Lee died when I was 5 so I do not remember her well--in my mind she was always "Miss" because that is what my mother called her.  Her sons called her Pet--never Mama.  They called their father Son, something I found very endearing. 

Miss Tazzie Lee also raised three other children--her sister Gaynelle died very young and left three children of her own.  Tazzie brought home the two girls, Margorie and Esther.  The youngest, Eddie, went to stay with his father's family.  I cannot remember what happened exactly but on one of their visits to see Eddie, Miss Tazzie Lee brought him home. There were whispers and accusations of neglect--and of course there were no inquiries or arguments back then--Grandma simply gathered his little things and brought him  home.  From things my mother told me there wouldn't have been any use to argue with her anyway. What Pet wanted to do she usually did.  My father was the youngest so Daddy couldn't remember life without Eddie and spoke of him often when I was a child.  So the family of three strapping boys became a family with four boys and two girls and Daddy thought of his cousins as siblings , which says a lot for the way Pet and Son handled their family. I admire that.

They also had two maiden aunts that lived with them for many years. Aunt Hallie, who never married and was everyone's favorite and Aunt Sug (Alice) who did eventually marry and was not as well-liked as she wished to be. 

Pet was lively and funny and a wonderful cook--her house was the gathering place for the family on Sundays.  Daddy said she would often have three or four pies made by the time he got up on Sunday morning.  I remember her front porch well, with people dressed in Sunday clothes lounging and the swing always occupied and gently swaying back and forth while people visited.  Mama was a little afraid of Miss Tazzie Lee but grew to love her in time.  She said Pet had gumption and a great sense of humor and was the busiest person she knew--bar none.  Pet could write her name and that was about all-- which puzzled me because all of her siblings could read and write and Aunt Hallie also read music ---she played the piano in church for years. 

Son was a deacon in the church, played the organ, the piano, the violin and the guitar well and was a carpenter for the mill in town.  He had a garden always and when I remember him at 94 years old he still worked --he swept up a shoeshop down the street in Durham every morning and when we visited he always baked a pie.

Thomas, was their oldest son (light jacket), then Theodore (dapper in the bow tie) and then Bennie Hugh, (with the flower on his lapel).  Daddy preferred  to be called "Ben". 

I love that they were a blended family.  I love that they were a church going family--that they sang together and that the boys adored their mother and father even when they were older.  I love that two maiden aunts were taken care of and accepted.  In fact, they were close enough to name the children. Aunt Hallie named Theodore.  Aunt Sug almost named Daddy Elihu like the prophet in the Bible but Grandpa Moss said no--that sounded too much like a girl.  Elihu became Bennie Hugh, which is certainly original--- and pacified Aunt Sug.

I loved visiting North Carolina when I was a child and still get a tingle up my backbone when I see the Oxford sign on the highway.  I remember rides with Thomas and Lynette through town in the summer and Theodore's garden and his penchant for bursting into song.

I wish I had listened better to stories I heard when I was a child--I wish I remembered how Son and Pet met, what made them tickled, what their favorite color was or their favorite song. 

Oddly enough, I do still remember that front porch--I wish I could remember the people on it.

                                       Margorie, Esther, Thomas, Theodore (Thedo) and Ben

Daddy (Ben), Theodore, Eddie, and Thomas

Today was so muggy and hot my eyeballs nearly melted--yes, I know it is July but I am dreaming of fall already.  Last night we had a writer's workshop at my house for the older kids.  We are planning a book of scary, spooky stories to be published in the fall by the grand offspring of the compound.  I thought it would be great to have some parameters set for the offerings--no blood, guts and gore--just suspense and scary situations.  We made a list of  prospective titles and of adjectives that were "scary" and practiced a few trial paragraphs.  They were inspired, if I may say so.

We also scared ourselves to death in the process.  I turned off all the lights and lit the oil lamps throughout the kitchen--we ate ice cream and brainstormed--we created an "aura" according to Spencer (which was exciting)--and told tales of old  (mostly about their parents--who love Halloween and scary stories as much as I do.)  I couldn't leave this house with Erin and Laura in it when they were preteens without getting called home by the police or a distracted grandparent because they had invented something horrible in their imagination.  Laura would conjure it up and Erin would swear to it!  They swear to it still---Robert came in to add his memories and in the middle of  a perfectly normal conversation suddenly screamed in the middle of his speech--(he is a very loud person when he wants to be)--we all went ballistic--- especially Spencer who has his mother's imagination.

The grands have inherited this love of the spooky--our next workshop will be held outside in the dark with candles and lightening bugs--yes, lightening bugs--that's what they are called in the South--- flitting around the edges of the trees while we create specters in the night.  These pictures are of last All Hallow's Eve and are awesomely inventive--from the demented Grinch to the dreaded ladybug--oooooooooooo!  So as we enjoy the heat and the flowers and the pool and all the joys of summer we are awaiting the future short story collection and the All Hallow's Eve to come!

P.S. The children who attended the workshop all slept with their parents last night--paybacks are terrible--:)

Revival

Having ignored my blog for several months I thought it was time to revive my efforts--especially in light of my family's new fascination with the blog form of journaling--which I have so enjoyed reading.  Even Tink has a blog!

My original intent was to chronicle some of my parents and Robert's parents memories and exploits so that my children wouldn't forget them--I sometimes add everyday things in my own life too--so that I don't forget them!

Just to update--Riley Daneille is now one year old and Clara Grace is 2 months old--both are darling and made Baby Matthew (as Becca calls him) seem downright grown-up.  He is going to be tall like his Mom and Dad and is a little toddler-man now.

This will be a year of changes for us in the Jones family--it's in the wind--we can almost feel it.  It is the year of moves.  Katherine and Ryan have moved to a new house in New Kent and are no longer in our ward and the ability to just "pop" by is gone.  Funny how the Lord compensates for change--this last half of the school year Kendall was able to be with us on the compound almost every day after school and consequently Matthew too, when his Mom picked her up.  We --especially my Mama--really got to know and enjoy her little quirks and "isms" and will miss her not being there to chatter away and eat mac and cheese and keep Jared on his toes! 

Robyn and Christian bought a 100 year old farm house in Arendtsville, PA.  It is in the middle of apple orchards and is beautiful--they have good neighbors and Mya has already charmed most of the folks nearby--that child is not a wallflower by any stretch of the imagination.  We miss them here but it is nice to have a lovely place to visit--she has an adventurous spirit, our Robyn.  Robert and I brought some little Jones'es (Maylon, Hallie, Tink and Kendall) with us to surprise them for Mya's 10th birthday--it was so much fun, even though only one day! Robert was nearly crazy by the time we got 'em home but it was well worth it.

Erin and Tom  are back in Williamsburg with a new job and bright hopes for settling here for a while--we are so glad to see them! They're a joyful bunch! They move around a bit--Erin loves to visit places but likes to return home--they were in Bellefonte, PA where Erin informed me "Mom. I thought I liked snow."  That's because snow here is usually an inch or two--as compared to several feet there! The children like their new school and they have an eye on the housing market as they plan to set down roots...

Laura and Tom are planning to build nearby--maybe on the property--maybe not, but a new house is in their immediate future  "Lord willing and the creek don't rise."  It's exciting for us since we never move and can get excited about the process vicariously through them--L.B. has started a cute little blog of her own called fivetosnuggle.blogspot.com.  Check it out to get the lowdown on the Cottles.

Josh and Lauren are moving too--we will miss the baby being next door!  It was so nice to be able to just stop by and get a "Riley fix"--one little giggle or grin and your whole day felt better.  Lauren is thrilled and I don't blame her--the little gray house is a great stop-gap and saving place for the future but not a permanent solution--way too small!  Josh, however will miss seeing all the deer in the evenings as they feed in the back field--and the excitement of chasing foxes or fighting snakes--(not to mention raising baby deer)--it's not dull here on the compound--especially when someone is always trying to wake you up! He will miss us, I know--

Michael and Amanda have no plans to move yet (though they are eyeing the market and it's movement too)--Amanda has been in school this year (she is quite the student and will make a brilliant nurse) and the family has been very supportive.  Michael is very proud of her and has juggled things pretty well( for a working man with an eye for a good reel to restore)--the kids have risen to the occasion too and create a wonderful chain of support for Mom--who in turn is inspiring them to do well in school while Dad teaches them to back up his scholar on the home front!

Mike and Ken have moved to Croaker--right on the York river so their water loving souls are comforted.  Their house is a small cottage with a beach-y feel and a laid back community that seems independent and close at the same time--I think the kids will love it--they have an osprey nest right in front of their house with baby birds in it and can fish all they like--it will be an adjustment from the neighborhood they lived in before but I have a good feeling about it.

Dad and I have watched them all --we pray a lot--and laughed and cried when called for. We are contemplating some changes ourselves but will keep that under our hats for now till we have made up our minds what to do.  Mom broke her arm this year which was very painful and very hard to watch her deal with. She's a trooper.
 I 'm still grateful that Josh was home to hear her when she fell or she could have been there a long time--he was calm and very in command (and should look into being a paramedic)--that's my blog sermon for today. (I couldn't help myself!)

I will try and make an entry or two a month and keep my family better informed--'bye for now.  Benita

Pictures of the compound in summer

Summer Survival Lament

I'm so irritated I could spit
My washer is broke
And my dryer just quit.
My toilet won't flow
The shower won't drip
Wish I could get a plumber to do his bit.

The grass is cooked
My lawn is dry
Our landscaper's gone
The weeds grow high
Could he fix it? We'll never know
Cause he's on vacation in Kocomo

My drain won't drain
My stove won't work
The blender won't whir
And the coffee won't perk
My summer is slipping away so fast
The house is imploding--I may not last---

Till cool weather comes
And breezes blow
When geese fly over
And life gets slow
When grass is brown cause it's supposed to be
And everything's better for you and me---

Then comes Christmas and Ho! Ho! Ho!
New Year's here and another one to go.

collaboration by Benita and Robert

This is Lauren with some of the cousins at Jamestown--it was Jordan's birthday. We come close to filling the little cove reserved for swimming. It was a good day. And Lauren was a game little thing to brave the noise and the chaos when she was due any minute. While watching all the Mama's watching their little ones paddle around like demented fish I was reminded of some of the quotes on Motherhood I have collected over the years, many of them from a book written by Jane Clayson Johnson. So in honor of Robyn, Laura, Erin, Amanda, Katherine and Lauren and all the other mothers in the family--salute!

In our society we give motherhood plenty of lip service. We pat Moms on the head, bring them flowers on Mother's Day and honor them before crowds. But at the end of the day, we don't extend them the same respect we would a professor, a dentist, an accountant, or a judge.

Oprah Winfrey

Sisters, we must revere motherhood in our homes, in our church callings, in our places of employment, in our associations with our neighbors, in everything we do. If we do not, what are we teaching our daughters?

Jane Clayson Johnson

Let France have good Mothers and she will have good Sons!

Napoleon Bonaparte

Your success as a family...our success as a nation...depends not on what happens inside the White House, but on what happens inside YOUR house!

Barbara Bush

Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle have the power to rock his earthly empire. He knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail.

Sheri Dew

God planted within mothers something divine.

Gordon B. Hinckley

My friend Melby Denise May Pierce-Warner died July 11 of this year. She battled cancer bravely and the last time I talked to her I was struck by her cheerfulness and her concern for her husband who was, as always, by her side. She knew this was as difficult for him in many ways as it was for her.

I didn't know Denise all that well. I wish I had known her better. I was a little afraid of her when I first met her---she was forthright and sometimes abrupt when speaking. I found out later she was a little shy and hid behind that abruptness. She was inspiring to me--I would like to try to explain why and I'm not sure I can: here goes.

When I first met Denise she had bright blue streaks in her long hair, which she wore wound around her head like a crown. Her adult kids thought it would be fun to experiment with her hair, so she experimented and seemed to like the result. She had a string of bells tied around her knees so they tinkled softly as she walked in church. She said it was so her grandkids could find her. She dressed modestly and certainly not in style and yet what she wore was oddly becoming--mixed textures and colors that were very original and caught the eye. I learned that she had a degree in textiles and design and that she loved to sew. She often wore hats which I personally love but seldom have the courage to wear because few people do anymore. If you saw Denise in a local store you would think to yourself " what a strange lady"--and lady would be in that sentence for a reason. Because as odd as she looked she owned a gentleness that was obvious in her actions--she was kind, and lots of people are not kind. It is a quality that stood out in her.

I wish I had the courage to be who I would like to be and not worry about the style, or if it pleases Miss Molly down the street, or if it's the popular thing to do. I would like to have "the courage of my convictions". Denise loved her family and served them in many ways without worrying whether what she did looked odd to anyone else. Her grandchildren were in my Sunday school class and often spoke of "Grandma's bells" with a grin. They loved it. Her hats were a source of smiles from many people but some of them, like me, envied the ease with which she wore them and wished we could too. She loved the church and was unwavering in her devotion to it. Long term committment--something rare today when other committments take precedence over going to church and serving the Lord--not a fashionable phrase. She loved the Lord and she served-- willingly and well and sometimes at great personal sacrifice. She loved music and taught the children in her classes to sing with a joy that was a joy to hear!

One of my fondest memories of Denise, and a wonderful life lesson --was in her closeness to her husband of 35 years. They were close and not afraid to show it--I can still see them walking to their car in the parking lot after church hand in hand (with a little swing to it )as they walked to an old beat-up car that some people would have junked years ago. Denise was not embarrassed by that car. "Still some good years left in that car", she'd say. "It's been a good car and we'll keep riding in it as long as it will go."

At her memorial service she mostly wanted music sung. I was touched by how many of her choices were my favorite songs. Lead, Kindly Light. If You Could Hie to Kolob, I Am a Child of God, Once in Royal David's City, all favorites of mine. And wished I had taken the time to get to know this wonderful lady better than I did. My heart goes out to her family---and I can't help but think what a home she will be preparing for them beyond the veil--it will be an original, I am sure of that.

How many people do we pass every day that do things a little differently? Whose hair might be out of style or who don't quite fit in with what's acceptable in middle America? Who dress differently or live differently but whose originality and innate kindness we don't bother to see? Who have beautiful eyes and a great sense of humor but who aren't "chic" and don't have the latest whatnot we all have to have to be accepted?

I will miss Denise Warner and love her for many reasons but one of them--maybe the best of them --was her way of teaching me this lesson--without even trying, with a smile and a flashy hat and a lot of love.

Riley

Riley was born on July 7 after a day of love and labor and lots of waiting family and friends. She was worth the wait--and is a joy to watch. Mama and Daddy and Baby Riley Danielle Jones are doing great and all the aunts and uncles and Grands are enjoying getting to know her

Day Old Child

My day old child lay in my arms
With my lips against his ear
I whispered strongly, "How I wish--
I wish that you could hear;

"I've a hundred wonderful things things to say
(a tiny cough and a nod)
Hurry, hurry, hurry and grow
So I can tell you about God."

Mu day old baby's mouth was still
And my words only tickled his ear.
But a kind of a light passed through his eyes,
And I saw this thought appear:

"How I wish I had a voice and words;
I've a hundred things to say.
Before I forget I'd tell you of God--
I left Him yesterday."

__ Carol Lynn Pearson